Nightglow Window

Bad Daddy

I'm getting Hannah ready for bed and she's tired and grumpy. So I start tickling her to get her to giggle. It works and soon she's belly laughing and smiling. I stop for a second and she says, "You better stop or I'll die," still laughing.

I should have stopped I guess. Instead I say, "That will be a neat trick," and start tickling her again. When the laughing quiets down this time the tears begin and don't stop. She's inconsolable, actually believing that she was going to die and that I wanted to kill her.

She's truly afraid and I don't think I've ever seen her more mad at me. She's screaming at me that she doesn't want to die. I'm caught completely off guard.

Then I start thinking about Cleo passing away, and the questions Hannah has been asking about that; the questions she's been asking about when my mom died.

Suddenly her breakdown doesn't seem quite so random.

Bad daddy.